Our story.

Our story starts about 8 months ago. That's when we officially decided that I would stop taking my birth control pills. I wasn't nervous to stop taking them, but more nervous that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. See, growing up I had cysts on my ovaries that would rupture and cause excruciating pain that would land me in the ER. This happened for years, but I was never officially diagnosed with PCOS. It started to happen less and less, which I was very thankful for, but it didn't eliminate the worries I had about getting pregnant. Although the cysts stopped, I still had terrible pelvic pain and cramps whenever it was close to the beginning of my menstrual cycle or towards the end. I ended up going to see a OB/GYN where they didn't diagnose me with endometriosis, but highly suspected that I had it. I was given a medical marijuana card to help with the symptoms and it did truly help.

As the months went on and the pregnancy tests kept coming back negative, I started to lose hope. I knew that it would take awhile for the birth control to completely rid itself of my body, but I was growing impatient. I wanted to be a mother. I NEEDED to be a mother. It's my biggest dream in the world. I was sad, depressed, and slowly researching when we should start seeing a doctor to try to become pregnant, possibly with some help.

Then life got busy! And I mean REALLY busy! We had two new dogs both under the age of 2 and we had just bought our first home! It was an exciting, tiring, challenging, wonderful time in our lives. We were so busy that trying for a baby got set to the back burner (whether I liked it or not). I understood that we had more on our plates and trying for a baby would add extra stress to both Josh and I that we could probably do without.

We bought our house at the perfect time--We were moving in the week of my birthday! We were so excited that we decided to have a housewarming party/birthday party to celebrate! We had our closest family and friends so up and they helped us paint the whole top floor of our new house! We paid them in pizza and beer and a fun night full of games, but we truly could not thank everyone enough. Fast forward through the night and to when everyone left, Josh and I finally had time to ourselves. Time to conceive our first child.

We didn't know we were pregnant through Thanksgiving or when we cut down our Christmas tree. We didn't think that being pregnant could be a possibility. I mean we weren't even trying at that point so how would've thought? Not us. My menstrual cycle was late that month, but it had been 'goofy' ever since I stopped taking my birth control pills. So my period being a little late wasn't that odd, but I decided to take a test just to make sure.

And sure enough, when we weren't even trying, we got a positive test. Actually we got SEVEN positive pregnancy tests. (I know, I know, I know, but I HAD to be sure!)

"HOLY SHIT! I AM PREGNANT! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!" were my first thoughts and then they went straight to, "How in the hell am I going to tell Josh?!" I wanted to make it a surprise, but Josh knew I was late and had asked if I had taken a pregnancy test. I told him, "Yes, but it was negative." even though I was DYING to tell him inside. My plan was to go to Target, get a cute onesie, some booties, and book to wrap for him for an early Christmas present. I did find out on December 20th so I thought it would be perfect.

I raced to the store, put together the little gift basket and paced the living room floor for what seemed like an eternity for him to get home so I could FINALLY tell him that we were going to be parents! I recorded the whole thing and it was the best moment of my life. Please go to my TikTok page: @meganwohlman to see the video! You won't regret it (sorry it would not let me post it on here)! However, here is a photo of the gift basket I gave Josh to tell him.

He was surprised to say the least...especially since he asked me already if I had taken a test and it was negative. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. I saw his lifelong dream of being a father coming true in real time. A blessing. A miracle. A dream. And that's what it really was for the next 5 days. A dream. The happiness, the joy, the excitement--it was the best feeling of our lives! We announced our pregnancy within days because we both absolutely suck at keeping secrets and the excitement was too much to handle. Once we announced our pregnancy, we got so much love, as I'm sure many of you did. It's a great feeling. I'll leave it at that. It's a GREAT feeling.

While we were enjoying all the kind words and excitement we were getting, I started noticing side effects of pregnancy that anyone would expect to have in early pregnancy. The mood swings, the crying, the lower back pain, the nausea....I felt terrible, but it was worth every second! But then I started having some cramping. I did some research and everything said that that was normal (I also work in the OB/GYN department so I know that cramping can be normal). So I wasn't that worried. I tried to stay calm and reassure myself that it was just the changes and hormones in my body.

The next morning, Christmas morning, I noticed that I started to spot. It was dark and minimal. The kind of bleeding you get right before your menstrual cycle starts or stops. It reminded me of when I was in 6th grade and got my period for the first time. Immediately, I'm worried. But again, I knew from work that spotting can be normal especially in early pregnancy. After noticing the bleeding, I would find excuses to go to the bathroom just to check on how things were. It wasn't a lot. Not enough to bleed through my underwear, but enough to be concerned. I tried to enjoy Christmas with my family, but in the back of my head were a million and one worries of what could have been happening to my body. The bleeding continued through the day, but it was consistent and it was never bright red. I discussed what was happening with family, friends, people I didn't even know....I needed to know that I wasn't alone. I couldn't be the only one that has had spotting during pregnancy. Right? Everyone reassured me it was normal, but that they never had it themselves. It gave me some comfort. Enough comfort to fall asleep that night.

Waking up, I found myself praying while walking to the bathroom that the spotting had stopped. I took a deep breath, went to the bathroom, grabbed the toilet paper, took another deep breath, and looked down.....blood. I was still spotting. It was still dark in color and not enough to go through my pants, but enough to wear a pad. Something wasn't right. My anxiety was so bad that I had to do something, I needed reassurance somehow, I needed to know that my baby was safe. I. Needed. To. Know.

After speaking with Josh and my mom, we called an on call RN that worked at my local clinic. She assured me that this could all be normal, but to ease my mind it would be a good idea to go to the ER to get things checked out. Stress isn't good for the baby. And I was fucking stressed. Immediately Josh and I got into the truck and thankfully the ER wasn't busy. We were back in the room in about 5 minutes. They asked me questions, I answered. They did blood work. We waited. I did a urine test. We waited. They did a transvaginal ultrasound and we waited.

When doing the urine sample they give you a cleansing cloth to make sure bacteria doesn't affect the sample (as I'm sure most of you know!). I started to use the cloth and before tossing it into the toilet I see what I feared most....bright red blood. More blood than there had been before. Numbness went over my body. "Okay, something is definitely wrong." I tell myself. I left straight to my room to tell Josh, but all we could do was wait.

While we were waiting I got a notification on my phone that my blood results were in. I had to look at them IMMEDIATELY. I needed to know if we were still pregnant. We looked and to our surprise it said that I was still pregnant! What we didn't know was....that the pregnancy hormone can stay in your body for weeks after having a miscarriage. But we didn't know that at the time and thought we were in the clear. We started laughing and joking around, trying to bring our spirits up when my doctor walked in....

I couldn't read her. I tried to, but I couldn't. She was good. She sits down next to me and starts to explain that on the transvaginal ultrasound showed that there was no sign of an embryo attaching itself to the uterine wall. It wasn't hitting me. She continued saying that there had never been any sign of a baby. It still wasn't registering. It wasn't until she took my hand and looked me in the eyes and softly said, "You're having a miscarriage." did I realize what was happening not to my body, but to our entire family.

She leaves us to have time to ourselves. That's when the wailing starts. Josh is at my side, holding me as if he doesn't...we both will fall apart. And I truly think we will. I can feel all our hopes and dreams crumbling down around us. "How could this happen to us?" "Why did this happen to us?" "What did we do wrong?" "What do we do now?" The questions wouldn't stop coming and the tears wouldn't stop falling. We had just lost our child. We take all the time we need until we are both cried out of tears and numb to the bone. We call the nurse back in.

There's more tests. There's a shot I have to get in my thigh. There's a pelvic exam. There's vitals. There's talk about depression. There's discussion about what happened. We were told we did nothing wrong and we had a chemical miscarriage. There are different kinds that we learned about that day, but to some up the one we had is that our chromosomes didn't match up quite correctly which would not have allowed the baby to survive out of the womb so a miscarriage occurred. We were in such a state of disbelief we don't remember all that was said to us.

We left the hospital. We left the hospital now being parents with an angel in heaven looking down on us. We left numb, crying, and in a state of disbelief. In a weird way I felt a sense of relief--not because I no longer had a baby--but because I finally knew what was going on with my body. There was no guessing now. It was a miscarriage. And even though that crushed me, I was intune with my body again. We cried the whole way home and we swabbed as we tried to come up with the correct words to announce that our sweet baby Henry,...was no more.

It's been a total of 10 days. 10 days since we got the news. 10 days to start coping, but there is no end in sight. The sadness and grief comes in waves. We try to stay busy and occupy our minds, but there is always something reminding us that our sweet boy is no longer with us. This is a journey I never thought we would be on and one where a lot of support and love is needed. We have received that. But that doesn't make it better. Nothing will make this better. We will forever grieve, we will forever miss, and we will forever LOVE our little Henry.